| "body"> | | | | him know you're on his team, and not sitting |
| Women complain they can't get men to talk. | | | | there judging him." |
| When time comes for intimate conversation, guys | | | | Reveal Yourself As Well |
| clam up, offer a few, indecipherable grunts and | | | | There must be mutual disclosure between |
| expect women to magically understand what's | | | | partners. "Everybody has problems, fears and |
| going on. The number one complaint women have | | | | skeletons in the closet," Mr. Pankau continues. |
| in relationships is, "I don't know what he's thinking. | | | | "Many guys feel, if I reveal this, she'll leave me. |
| He never tells me what is going on with him. How | | | | You have to show that this is not the case. |
| can I get him to open up?" | | | | Reveal something about yourself that shows you |
| Women feel shut out, and men feel | | | | have as much trust in him as he has in you." |
| misunderstood. However, there is something | | | | Let Go Of Past Grievances |
| women don't realize. Men want to talk. Under the | | | | If an individual feels his communication will be |
| right conditions, they'll talk all night long. Most men | | | | distorted, misunderstood, told to others, or |
| desperately need to unburden themselves and let | | | | thrown back at him at a later date, it is impossible |
| others know what's going on. | | | | for him to open up. Some people hold onto what |
| Trained For Silence | | | | has been said at one point in time, and never let it |
| Men are silenced by different factors - the roles | | | | go. The ability to forgive may be just as simple |
| they are forced to play, lessons they've learned | | | | as realizing that what was true a year ago, may |
| from their own families, or hurt from past | | | | not be true now. True communication requires the |
| relationships. They are silenced by prevalent | | | | ability to remain in the present moment and to let |
| myths of manhood, which often contradict the | | | | the past be over when it's done. |
| reality of the lives now. | | | | Listen To Everything He Wants To Say |
| A common myth is that it is unmanly to talk, to | | | | Lewis Harrison, Healer and Director of the |
| open up and tell all. A man must present an | | | | Academy of Natural Healing, has a different |
| invincible image to the world. As children boys are | | | | experience regarding communication." As far as |
| told - Boys don't cry. That stuff's for girls." Implicit | | | | I'm concerned," he said, "I, personally, tell |
| in the idea is that expressing feelings represents | | | | everybody everything. I can't hold it back if I |
| weakness. It is as if they say, "I'm powerful, I | | | | want to. My wife is willing to listen to everything. I |
| need nothing from you." | | | | don't have to lie to her at all. |
| Putty In Her Hands | | | | Not only is Lewis's wife willing to hear what he |
| "If she knows too much about me, I'll be putty in | | | | says, but she is willing to take action to give him |
| her hands," said Robert, a thirty year old | | | | what he asks for. This is communication taken to |
| executive. "I never let a woman know what's | | | | the highest level. Her ability to understand is |
| really doing inside. Why should I? She'll only throw | | | | manifested both in words and in deeds. We all |
| it back at you when there's a fight later." | | | | want love and we want to give love but are not |
| Robert lives expecting trouble. In fact, he not only | | | | willing to do what is required to make that |
| looks forward to it, but also does his share to | | | | happen, and part of that is honesty. |
| quietly make it happen. It's the way he releases | | | | Celebrate Honesty |
| his pent up feelings. | | | | In order to communicate honestly, you have to |
| "It's okay to fight," Robert continued. "You get | | | | accept honesty from others, and many people |
| closer later. I mean, if you can survive a good | | | | won't. Arrmand DiMele, Director and Founder of |
| fight, then the two of you have a chance." | | | | the DiMele Center for Psychotherapy and the |
| For Robert, communication, via fighting, is for the | | | | host of the Positive Mind show asked, "Is it even |
| purpose of establishing rank. This is not | | | | possible to have honest relationships? The |
| communication, but sparring. It is domination, | | | | assumption is everybody's going to be honest. |
| masking itself as love. | | | | The truth is - few people are. The main reason |
| Real communication is never about winning or | | | | that people are not honest is - the consequences |
| losing. The essence of real communication is | | | | are too big. You can't do it if the other person is |
| always about love | | | | not going to celebrate honesty." |
| Getting Him To Talk | | | | The ability to accept honesty from others grows |
| In order to bring out the best in a man, and hear | | | | as we a realize that true security does not come |
| all of what he has to say, there are easy steps | | | | from the approval of others, but from being true |
| which when followed, will help this happen easily. | | | | to ourselves. |
| No Rejection | | | | Be True To Yourself |
| "He's got to feel he's not going to be rejected," | | | | How can we be true to ourselves if we don't |
| says Ed Pankau, nationally acclaimed private | | | | know who we are? Identity is a complex matter. |
| investigator and best-seller, author of How To | | | | For some men it consists of clinging to a role, or |
| Hide Your Assets And Disappear. "Men are afraid | | | | rigid sense of themselves. This man does not |
| if they do open up, someone's going to laugh at | | | | realize that who a person is today, he may not |
| them and they'll be humiliated." Men are much | | | | be tomorrow. At different times different parts |
| more afraid of rejection than women. People don't | | | | of himself will emerge, the Warrior, Healer, Lover, |
| realize that." | | | | Wise Man, Real Guy. We all can and must grow |
| Don't Judge Him | | | | into newer and larger senses of ourselves |
| Feeling judged is another form of rejection. "Listen | | | | Unless a man is allowed to explore different |
| to what he is saying, and beyond listening, offer | | | | aspects of himself he can easily fall prey to |
| something positive in return," Pankau continues. | | | | compulsions and misfortunes. His love becomes |
| "After he tells you some things you could then | | | | conditional, given one moment and taken away |
| say, 'Well, that's not so bad. I've done worse.' Let | | | | the next. |